At Children’s Hope International, we understand that at times children and parents can have difficulty transitioning into the new family.  Some times our expectations are not fully met, and life circumstances can also impede our ability to form strong family relationships.  Please know that bonds happens over a series of events and time, and is a continual process.  Attachment may also take time and work.  We are here to support you in any way that we can.  Please make your first line of defense, calling our office and talking with your adoption counselor!

Bonding and Attachment Assumptions:

There are some standard assumptions to keep in mind when interacting with a child who has attachment issues:

1. Protect the child from hurting themselves or others when they are in a rageful tantrum

2. When a child is out of control, their coping ability has broken down, which is not intentional on their part

3. The child is not able to trust others.  This is not a conscious chosen response; it is an unconscious practiced reaction

4. Statements made to the child do not receive the usual responses as with children who are securely attached

5. There is distorted cause and effect thinking, therefore, the adult’s cause and effect thinking has a different reality base than the child’s.

Bonding and attachment recommendations:

1. Reparent child through her first years again. Recommended books:  Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray, and Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky, and Holding Time by Martha Welch.  
   Other good books to consider reading:

   • Becoming Attached by Robert Karen

   • Facilitating Development Attachment by Daniel Hughes

   • A Child's Journey Through Placement by Vera Fahlberg

2. Individual Play therapy for child.  This would allow child to reenact and work through many of her fears and concerns that have happened previously in her life. 

3. Treat child according to the age level she functions, not her chronological age.

4. A two week intensive therapy program  with either Dr. Gregory Keck or Regina Kupecky LSW at attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio or the Attachment Center in Evergreen, CO is recommended.  This is recommended to help understand attachment issues and how to parent effectively as a team, and to provide the intensity of treatment to the child to help her understand her resistance and fear of getting close to parents, in order to make her more amenable to family therapy focused on building and strengthening her attachment to parents.

5. Family therapy.  Parents continue martial therapy.  If family and therapists decide to use holding therapy, the parents should do all holding to facilitate attachments to parents, not therapist.  Parents should be present for all therapy sessions, again to enhance attachments.

6. Watch for learning issues, and have school screen child for any speech and language difficulties.

7. Evaluation for Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SI) if child exhibits symptoms of this.

8. A life book—child’s willingness to share her memories through art work provides a great means to capture her history, and compile it along with any other information and photos you have into one notebook/album.  Reviewing the Life Book over time helps clarify the chronology of events, and allows children to put the past into perspective.

9. Create family rituals—another concrete way to bring resolution to past issues.  Also, rituals help to merge the past with the present so that children can develop a cohesive sense of self. 

10. Continued to “Claim” her as their Child.  This is, help them to learn your family’s traditions, and help them find a role within your family’s traditions.  For example, “This is your second Christmas with us.  At Christmas we do…  You will help by ….”  Continue to let them know what your family does and what it is like to be a member of your family on a day-to-day basis as well.  Overtime, they will internalize your values, and they will meet your expectations for them.  Also, find ways that they match you—be it that you all like pizza or ice cream.  The more they feel like you, the more they will increase their attachment to you.

11. Select negative behaviors seek to change carefully.  Decide which present safety concerns or which are likely to be the most dysfunctional in the long run.  Work at ameliorating no more than three negative behaviors at one time.  Otherwise, if feels overwhelming to children and when overwhelmed, children make little or no progress.  So in turn, this situation would become a source of parental frustration.  Parenting the Hurt Child offers more depth of information on this matter and we suggest all parents review this information from time to time.

12. Obtain support through other organizations, counseling groups, etc.  This is a difficulty shared by many parents with children with attachment disorder. There are many websites for parents of children with attachment disorders/difficulties.  We recommend:  www.attamentdisorder.net and www.syix.com/adsg.  Posting on these listservs typically results in many replies of support.  These listservs also have proved usefully in locating adoptive families who reside within a reasonable proximity to meet face to face.  The NACAC website—www.nacac.org—offers a state-by-state listing of support groups.  It is also possible that local public and private agencies offer support groups.  NACAC and AdoptUSKids  - www.adoptUSKids.org  - each offer grants for individuals who decide to start a support group.  Contact Children's Hope for mentoring families.

13. At times, some children will need medicine to help regulate their emotional/behavioral responses.  Each child should be evaluated for this need by a psychiatrist and pediatrician.

14. For additional treatment options away from home, please consult your practitioners, or our Children’s Hope staff.  Some of these treatment options:

    1. Place child with family for respite care

    2. Psychiatric Hospital/residential care

    3. Place child in a group care facilities

    4. Place child in foster care

    5. Disrupt Adoption (See web site www.adoptiondisruption.com as well as www.emkpress.com.